after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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