did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
