I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
