i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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