fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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