i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
