Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
