Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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