I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
