Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
