Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
