i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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