i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Drunk is a universal language darling
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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