i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
birth control should be required to get into college
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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