well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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