I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
