so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
