I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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