MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
