I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
