the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I hope mine doesn't look like that
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
