What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
