he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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