maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
