we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
