I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
