Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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