nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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