I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
