I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I am spending my child support on dildos
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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