"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
