Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
