Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
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