I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
