; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
