My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
In America we eat man semen.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
