Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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