When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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