He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Randomize
