You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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