so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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