He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
