Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
