It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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