my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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