we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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