This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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