i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
