I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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