3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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