Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
