I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
