Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i dont even know how to be here
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
