im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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