I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
