The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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