Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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