you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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