The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
