check it out our google latitudes are spooning
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
