Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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